


Trust In Me (And Stop Living In Fear)

by MusicPlotter



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Don't copy to another site, Episode: s05e03 The Death Song of Uther Pendragon, M/M, Magic Reveal, POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24599680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicPlotter/pseuds/MusicPlotter
Summary: The Death Song Of Uther Pendragon, only, Arthur wakes up from his knock on the head a tad earlier and learns some things about Merlin that will change the future of Camelot.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 129





	Trust In Me (And Stop Living In Fear)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [coconutknightshade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coconutknightshade/gifts).



> So umm... I don't know when you'll see this @coconutknightshade but I may have forgotten to warn you this time. Your response to the last fic was so encouraging that I went back to this fossil that's been sitting in my drafts for over a year and finished the first chapter. Thank you for being amazing and inspiring because without you this would have continued to rot away in the depths of my google drive.
> 
> !!! A lot of the dialogue is picked up from the episode (S05E03), that won't happen in future chapters but it IS the case in this one, sorry. I originally had it written without the dialogue, and then with different dialogue, but I prefer it this way.

He was scared. 

Not that he'd ever admit it, of course, but one of the few people that had always managed to make him question his beliefs stood before him. Once, Morgana had been one of those people, until she had betrayed Camelot - Gwen was another, often bringing a point of view he hadn’t stopped to consider. He reluctantly admitted that Merlin was the same, though he swore that the servant would never discover that small fact. Somehow, Merlin would accurately predict the problems they would face, the consequences of Arthur’s actions. Just like right now. Merlin had warned him and yet again Arthur had brushed him off because it wasn't something he wanted to hear. 

But Merlin had been right.

And now he was standing in the middle of the throne room, with the ghost of his father sitting centerstage just as he used to. It was odd, seeing him there. It felt wrong but a small part of him wondered if this was how it should have been, Uther as king, Arthur as the loyal prince. After all, who was Arthur to decide the fate of a kingdom? He was the current king, sure, but how was he to know if he was making the right decisions?

"Why are you doing this?" He asked though he suspected he already knew. At the end of the day, he had been fully aware that the Uther would not approve of many of his actions - marrying a servant girl and knighting those not of noble blood were likely just a couple of the many things that had thrown his father into this rage.

Sat in front of him, in a jewel-encrusted throne that had been made for his father, one that Arthur sat in day after day, desperately trying to be the king Camelot deserved, Uther uttered a sentence that destroyed him. 

“I did not spend my entire life building this kingdom to see my own son destroy it.”

Still, even as the child inside him died, anger tore through him. His father dared to suggest that Arthur had ruined all of his work when the ghost in front of him had tried to murder the Queen of Camelot? 

He sucked in a breath; he needed to remain calm. “You tried to kill Guinevere.” 

“For your own good. How can a serving girl understand what it means to be queen?” 

Guinevere knew more of being queen than any nobility ever would. She cared for the people not because they served her but because they were her family, she came from them and understood them - Camelot needed that. “Guinevere is wise and strong, and I trust her more than anyone.”

“And that is your weakness. You put too much trust in other people. You and you alone must rule Camelot.”

His weakness. As if Gwen hadn't been one of the few people that kept him going, that made him question his decisions and make sure that he was truly doing the right thing for _his people_. If he had only trusted Merlin more then perhaps Gwen wouldn't be injured at the moment, having been hurt by his own father. No, trust wasn't his weakness, it was his strength. He was sure of it.

Uther was dead, he had been for a long time. Arthur had been forced to grow up and take the burden of being king far earlier than either of them had expected. The space between now and when Uther had been king was wide and Arthur believed he had emerged from his father’s shadow.

Uther had no control over Camelot now. _He had no control over Arthur now._

But Uther was still his father. 

A man he had loved and respected his whole life, even if he did question some of his decisions. Some of his best memories were of his father telling him some of the tricks to being king, like how one of the councilmen would agree to anything if he had a good breakfast. Or when Uther had swept him up after a nightmare and said that he didn’t need to be scared, not when the sun still rose each morning.

Earlier, Merlin had claimed that Camelot was a better place now that Arthur was ruling. At the time, Arthur hadn't commented, but the statement had been lurking in his mind ever since. He had said that the people believed in him, but did that mean that they had never believed in his father? Uther had controlled them with fear, maybe it was the only way he knew how to, maybe he genuinely believed it the best way, but Arthur had watched from the sidelines as time and time again it backfired.

“I would rather not rule at all than rule alone.”

“Your whole life I tried to prepare you for the day you would become king.” He rose in the chair and looked so disappointed in Arthur - it was the sort of look that would have made him want to cry when he was younger. Now it only seared through him, strong but short, guilt replaced by confidence in himself. “Did you learn nothing?”

“I watched you rule. I learned that if you trust no one, you’ll always live in fear. Your hatred came from fear, not strength.” There had to have been thousands of lives that Uther had ruined from his fear, Arthur refused to do the same.

“How dare you?”

“I loved and respected you, but I have to rule the kingdom in my own way. I have to do what I believe to be right.”

If there was anything that he had learned over the years it was that he had to trust his heart.

“I will not allow you to destroy all that I built!”

“Then you’ll have to kill me.” He sighed, meeting Uther’s eyes. “I’m not you, father. I can't rule the way you did."

"Camelot must come before all else. Even you."

He loved Gwen but he wasn’t in love with her, not as a husband should be. She knew that, she always had. But after Lancelot had died in the worst way possible and Arthur was being thrown marriage proposal after marriage proposal, he had approached Gwen with the idea. Camelot needed a queen and despite not being of royal blood Gwen was the only woman who Arthur trusted to rule Camelot fairly in case he died.

After a long talk where emotions had been high and voices loud, he realised that it was only his own possessiveness that had hurt him when he had found Gwen in the throne room with Lancelot. Gwen was supposed to have been his queen; it had been his plan ever since Merlin forced him to accept the crush he had on her. Maybe it was because Gwen stood up to him that he latched onto her, but the admiration faded eventually - especially seeing how happy she looked with Lancelot and how happy Lancelot had been with her. 

Before Arthur could defend himself, he was on the floor, eyes searching Uther’s for any sign that he regretted trying to kill his own son.

He found nothing. They were as empty in death as they had been in life.

The darkness was there and then it wasn’t.

He didn’t know how long it was before shouting roused him. Not wanting to give away his position, he kept his silence. He gradually brought the horn to his lips, taking a moment to mourn that he’d never be able to convince his father that his actions were the right ones, before he paused, registering what was happening around him.

His father was closer than before and he tried to ignore the implications that he had gotten closer to kill him. It appeared as though Merlin had intervened and was now distracting him. Idiot. Was he _trying_ to get himself killed?

"This is my kingdom. You think you can drive me from it? You are nothing but a serving boy."

Once, long ago, Arthur would have agreed. 

Not now though. Merlin was much more than a serving boy. He had no respect for his king but cared for Camelot with a dedication Arthur could only strive towards. Merlin was his friend. He trusted Merlin when he found that his trust in Gwen was lacking. Whenever he had any doubts, Merlin would know exactly what to say and never failed to reassure him that Arthur was doing his best for his kingdom. 

Merlin's loyalty was unwavering and Arthur found that his own was the same. 

Yes, Merlin was much more than a serving boy, he could only hope that Merlin knew as much.

"I am much more than that." 

Typical. Merlin always did think highly of himself.

He heard a large crash and tensed, cursing himself for waiting so long to blow the horn. If Merlin was hurt he would never forgive himself. He slowly turned his head to see if Merlin was still standing. He was. Good, his father must have missed. Perhaps he was losing strength in the physical world?

He took in Merlin's features, realising that he was pale and shaking in fear. Yet again he was reminded of how brave his friend was, to be so rightly terrified of a ghost that could kill you only to stand in between it and Arthur. In another world, Arthur might say that Merlin deserved more credit, not this world though.

"You have magic."

Arthur's eyes narrowed in confusion, wondering why on earth his father had accused Merlin of all people of having magic. He glanced over at Merlin, brows furrowing at the sight of him gathering his determination, obviously ready to deny such an outrageous claim. 

What came out instead left Arthur confused and betrayed, wondering why this kept happening to him. Why were people so eager to betray him.

"I was born with it!"

Such emotion powered those five words that Arthur was temporarily concerned for his friend before he the meaning registered in his mind. 

That was no denial. Merlin was claiming to have magic and Arthur didn't doubt him for one second, not when Merlin was making that face, the one he had on whenever he was saying something he knew Arthur wasn’t going to like but thought he needed to hear anyway. 

He hadn't realised that such a thing was possible outside of the druids, had believed Morgana to be the exception, and he would know if Merlin was a druid, right? Then again, he hadn't known that Merlin had magic, so nothing was impossible at this point. 

Bitterness curled his lip as he stared at his friend. Merlin's chest was heaving, like he often did after a good day of hunting, simply from admitting his secret.

The argument continued before he could fully process Merlin’s words.

"I made you Arthur's servant! You are a sorcerer." Even his father’s voice was weak with disbelief.

"Even while you were king, there was magic at the heart of Camelot." Merlin answered with such spite in his voice that made Arthur wonder just how much his servant hated his father. Did the hate extend to him? Were they truly friends or was it just an act so Merlin could get closer and closer and stab him in the back?

No. No that didn’t make any sense. Merlin could have killed him at any time over the past few years, had had an immense amount of opportunities to stab him or poison him. There was another explanation, there had to be.

"I will not allow you and your kind to poison my kingdom!"

"You're wrong. You're wrong. About so much.” Merlin paused and his face tilted in the way it always did before he said something heartbreaking. “Arthur is a better and more worthy king than you ever were."

Even whilst he believed Arthur unconscious, Merlin was insistent on defending his honour. This, more than anything, proved to Arthur how loyal Merlin was to him. Here he was, standing up to Uther, a man who had once persecuted all of his kind and he had latched onto Uther's claim of Camelot, focused on that. 

Arthur watched, numb, as Uther went to attack Merlin and saw for the first time how ignorant he had been. Just by pushing out his hand, Merlin pushed the ghost of Uther away from him, all the way through the door. 

This show of power was eerily similar to what he had seen Morgana do, but whilst Morgana's face always seemed to be filled with contempt and revenge, Merlin's was overtaken by what he recognised as a fierce protectiveness and loyalty. Like years ago, when he had tried to get Lancelot knighted the first time, or when he had pleaded for Gwaine to be allowed to stay in Camelot. But for Arthur. 

Arthur, who had taken his father's stance on magic, while Merlin had stood by his side and was forced to watch as his own kind were slain by the person he served.

He still felt betrayed. Merlin should have told him. They had known each other for years. 

Then again, Merlin had never wanted to be Arthur's servant to begin with. By the time they had grown close, Merlin had already watched too many people being burnt at the stake to ever conceivably trust Arthur not to do the same to him. It hurt that Merlin couldn't trust him, but he knew that part of that was his own fault. He knew that in another situation he might have thrown Merlin in the dungeons, he might have just seen another Morgana. But there was no denying what he saw on Merlin's face, he was loyal to Arthur, magic and all.

Distracted in his thoughts as he was, he missed Merlin disappearing from the room, likely off to search for the ghost of his father and stop him from killing anyone. How often had he done this? How many times had Merlin saved his life without Arthur realising it? 

Arthur stood up wearily, not sure what he was going to do, but knowing that he had to protect Merlin from his father. Merlin who apparently had magic. Been born with it. He groaned in pain as his head throbbed from where he had been hit earlier. This just seemed so surreal.

It didn't take long to find Merlin and Uther. Merlin was trapped against the wall, a sword to his chest. He had gotten there just in time.

"It will give me great pleasure killing you."

Not if Arthur had anything to say about it. "Father!"

He saw Merlin's eyes widen in shock and briefly wondered if he suspected that Arthur had heard Merlin's conversation with Uther or if he was just shocked that he was awake so quickly. His father slowly turned towards him, watching as he held up the blasted horn that had begun this.

"Arthur. No. Please. Whatever I have done I have done for Camelot."

Arthur didn't doubt that for a second, but he _did_ doubt if his father truly knew what was best for Camelot.

"You've had your turn. Now it's mine." 

Sick of it all and wanting to do _something_ about Merlin, not that he knew what yet, Arthur brought the horn to his lips and blew.

"Merlin has -"

Uther never got to finish disappearing into a flume of blue mist. It didn't matter. Arthur had heard enough from his father that day, besides he suspected he already knew what his father had attempted to say.

Merlin was still trapped against the wall, looking both frightened and relieved all at once. His chest was heaving and he looked to be in shock. Arthur himself wasn't feeling much better, but decided it was his kingly duty to look after all his people, Merlin and his magic included.

There were tears in Merlin's eyes as Arthur stepped forward, walking around the area where his dead father had just stood. He removed the two spears keeping Merlin against the wall and threw them to the side, the loud noise startling Merlin out of his thoughts. Arthur gently put his hands on Merlin's shoulders and pulled him to his chest, hearing his servant inhale sharply. He felt a forehead rest against his shoulder and a part of him revelled in the contact. 

Yes, it seemed that Merlin had magic, but it had also been proven that Merlin's loyalty to Arthur had no bounds, defending his king against even Uther. Arthur believed he could ignore the magic issue for now to give Merlin some comfort, nevermind the fact that it was helping Arthur as well, who still had no idea how to approach this. They both deserved it after the day that they had had.

He just held Merlin tighter when the smaller man's shoulders began to shake, hearing muffled sobs coming from his servant. Arthur's heart broke as he realised that he had never really been there for Merlin, though it seemed that Merlin had always been there for him. Never before had he seen Merlin so upset. Sure, he had seen him cry before, but it was nothing like the pure devastation that was rolling off of Merlin in waves now.

He wondered what it was that had made his friend feel so much pain. Was it the fact that he had almost been killed? Or the fear of his secret nearly being exposed? Perhaps it was that his kind continued to be persecuted over and over again by the very king that he was loyal to?

Arthur didn't doubt that Uther had made Merlin question his beliefs and loyalties, it was what his father was best at. Merlin must feel torn between Arthur and people with magic. Arthur didn't doubt Merlin's loyalty, he didn’t think he would never doubt Merlin again, but he recognised that Merlin was also loyal to magic. There had been something in his voice earlier when he had shouted that he had been born with his magic that Arthur couldn’t forget - hints of the anguish and contempt he felt for those who had reduced his life to less than it’s potential.

Soon Merlin's quiet sobs subsided and Arthur wondered what the hell was going to happen next.

For now though, he would continue as normal and hope for the best.

"I expect my armour polished by tomorrow morning, I need it for the knighting ceremony at noon."

He caught Merlin's grateful smile into his shoulder and allowed himself one of his own.

"Of course sire, anything else?"

"I want dinner as soon as possible. I'm starving." He really was - the day had stretched on and the thought of a hot meal made his mouth water.

"Are you sure that's a good idea sire?" 

It seemed Merlin was bouncing back already. "Merlin! I'm _not_ fat!"

And he really wasn’t. It was muscle, Merlin would know that if he ever actually looked at him.

"Of course not sire, I'm sure that your belt shrinks all on its own." 

A perfectly normal conversation apart from the fact that Merlin's head was still tucked into the crook of Arthur’s neck. Merlin pulled away, grinning cheekily at Arthur as he dodged a swipe, running away - hopefully to the kitchens.

Arthur was surprised when a mop of curly black hair popped around the door of the armoury, wondering if Merlin was back to make one last jab about the number of holes on his belt. He was even more surprised when Merlin simple muttered a quiet but genuine 'thank you' before rushing away again.

Merlin's actions today hadn't been those of an evil sorcerer set to destroy Camelot. Whilst it made Arthur grateful that there was no real reason to have Merlin executed, it did make him wonder about the rest of those with magic. Who else had been born with magic and was unable to escape it? The druids, at least, had been known to be peaceful people and yet Arthur had spent many years assisting his father in hunting them down. What had turned his father against them in the first place? Was all magic wrong? Or was it only Merlin who used his magic for good? 

Arthur was confused, hungry and exhausted. He had learnt so much in the past hour but it had only opened his mind to how little he knew.

Merlin had magic. Merlin had used that magic to defend him. Merlin was the most loyal friend he could ever wish for. Merlin seemed to be horrified at the idea of Arthur finding out Merlin had magic. Merlin had a lot of secrets and a lot of pressure to keep those secrets. He had hugged Merlin. He had enjoyed it. He had comforted Merlin properly for the first time. He wanted to help Merlin more. 

The main question was - should he tell Merlin that he knew he had magic?

He had seen the fear on Merlin's face earlier, it had been as clear as day. Merlin had been shaking in his boots at the mere _idea_ of Arthur finding out about his secret. He didn't want to scare Merlin anymore, but he also didn't want Merlin to live in fear - especially not of Arthur. There was also the fact that Arthur wanted to know more, how much could Merlin do? What had he already done? Why was he so loyal to Arthur after all his family had done against magic? 

He knew Merlin would likely run if outright confronted; Arthur accepted now that Merlin probably had the powers to escape from him. That meant that the only way to find out the answers to his questions was for Merlin to tell Arthur himself, which was unlikely after all these years of silence. So he had to make Merlin believe that Arthur accepted magic, but after Arthur's previous actions then he would need to do something big, something so drastic that Merlin wouldn't be able to deny that Arthur wouldn’t hate him for his powers. That Arthur wouldn't burn his best friend alive for something that he was born with.

There was only one option then. He had to legalise magic in Camelot.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! This is either chapter one of two or chapter one of six, I'm not sure yet, and who knows when I'll get to writing the others. It's 3am and maybe I should have waited until I wasn't exhausted to edit it and check for errors but I am so stoked to finally have the first chapter finished that waiting any longer is impossible.
> 
> As always, you can find me on Tumblr [@musicplotter ](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/musicplotter)if you'd like to chat.
> 
> Send [@coconutknightshade](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/coconutknightshade) lots of love because without them this fic wouldn't exist!


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